Alrighty, rant 2 of the epic Heart's Beats Blog!
So, I cried yesterday. It's weird to think about, as yesterday was part two of the best time I've ever had with someone; my new girlfriend.
Wow. It's amazing to think about her that way. As my girlfriend, and not just that amazing girl who I love so much. I couldn't help myself from saying "Wow" every now and then. I guess it was my little way of showing her how much I care about her, how wonderful she is as a person, just how fantastic I find our relationship to be.
I'm sure a lot of you are wondering why I was crying is everything was oh so perfect with the world. Well, I don't think I, at any point, prepared myself for the inevitable; her eventually having to leave. Don't get me wrong, I knew it was coming. It was something I accepted long ago before I allowed myself to contemplate being in a dating relationship with her. Still, it hurt to have to see her leave, knowing that the next chance I would have to see her was a month from that date.
So I cried. Three times, actually. Once in front of her, despite myself. I didn't want to have her see me crying, knowing that it was cause her pain seeing me hurt. And if there's one thing I never want to do, it's hurt her. The second time was soon after she left, when I went up to my friend Eugene's room to just hang out and distract myself for a bit. But, from the moment I walked into his room, I felt the wave of emotion hit me in the gut again. He held me as I cried for a few minutes. He was a really great friend, having been in a similar situation once. He was really there for me when I honestly didn't expect it, and for that I am incredibly grateful to him. The third and final time was that night. I can hardly count it, as it was only a few tears. But what really made it stand out in my mind was the fact that I cried in front of a group of people. This struck me as very strange, as it has been a while since I've been able to cry with multiple people present, besides at the end of a summer working at Johnsonburg Presbyterian Camp. That's always been a very emotional time for me, not knowing when I would next be able to see many of my closest friends. So, it makes sense that I would have a similar reaction.
And I've realized that this crying has been good, nay, excellent. I used to cry a lot as a kid, but as I grew older, I found myself unable to, even when wanting to. So I see that me crying shows how much I care for her, and how much I look forward to seeing her again. So, I invite the tears to pour; let me show you just how much I care. I can't wait for when we meet again, love, for nothing compares to simply sitting beside you quietly, with your head on my shoulder, listening to each other's breaths and heartbeats, our love personified in the purity of the moments we share together.
